For some reason I miss my 17 year old self today. I miss the melancholy girl who thought she was fat, even though she ran 6 miles a day. I miss the girl who could not live without music. Music filled her imagination. Headphones protected her from the derisive sounds and insults of others. I almost wish I was back in Algebra failing, rather than here at work listening to complaints and demands. Every day I wear a headset for the wrong reason. I feel wrung out. I am too tired to be depressed. I can’t stop wondering who I could have been? Who should I have been? Maybe all I need is another pill and 90 minutes with an album that will help me feel something, feel anything other than this ennui.

It's a Yo Yo day. One minute I feel fine, the next I feel like I am wedged in a box that's too small. I need to focus. I want to find focus without pharmaceutical help. It seems it would be like trying to find a gold needle in a haystack. I write in clichés. I am trying to decide how to configure an English paper piecing project I have started. I have completed 137 two inch hexagons. I have approximately 300 to go, depending on the layout I select. I can’t choose between the full flower pattern, wave or straight line. I could applique to a background fabric, (What colour ?) But how much do I want to do by hand? All? Some? Heat N Bond? LoL